Always
by LadyMiriamele
Summary: Will Kurama ever figure out what went wrong with his relationship with Hiei? YAOI


****

Title: Always

Author: LadyMiriamele

Warnings: Yaoi

^Standard Disclaimers Apply^

*Feedback Welcomed*

"What went wrong with us anyway?" Kurama asked, sitting in his dark room, attempting to keep his voice down.

"What?" Hiei blinked at him, raising an eyebrow at the unexpected question. 

"I mean, one day we're together, having fun, kissing, enjoying each other---At least, I thought so. I thought we were really starting something---And the next, you lose interest in me, with barely an excuse." Kurama tried to speak of it lightly, tried not to let the pain show._ I knew that it was going to happen, _he thought._ After all feelings were confessed, after I went home that night and thought about us, I knew that you weren't sure. I know you too well. But I ignored that sense of knowing._

"I don't know," Hiei sighed, not so ready to share all his thoughts with the fox. He didn't wish to say more. 

__

How can you not know? You make no sense. What's keeping you from me? What happened? Kurama pushed those thoughts away. "I...You know, I..." His mind screamed. _What are you doing? SHUT UP! Don't tell him, you foolish fox. Shutupshutupshutup._ "I fell in love with you, you know." _Idiot,_ he thought sadly. _That's what you get for falling for your best friend. You can't keep anything from him. You're too open._

"You did?" Hiei looked surprised, his red eyes shining. 

Kurama simply nodded. 

Hiei paused for a moment. "Are you still in love with me?"

__

I think I'm getting used to unrequited love. The pain is so familiar now. "I don't know."

Hiei moved forward a bit and caught Kurama's gaze. "You honestly don't know?"

Kurama quickly responded, "I don't know!" and decided to drop the subject. "So how was your stay in Makai?" He did know, of course, that he was so deeply in love with Hiei, it was killing him inside. But he didn't want to put that kind of pressure on Hiei. He didn't want to lose what friendship he had...So he changed the subject and focused on other things.

***

Some weeks before that day, Kurama and Hiei went to a party in honor of Yusuke and Keiko's engagement. The two teens were finally settling down together. Naturally, the party was filled with fun, games, drinking and music. Yusuke had a bunch of new CD's which everyone found themselves dancing to. Everyone, that is, except for Hiei.

The fire demon was sitting by the window, as usual, pretending to ignore the fact that Kuwabara was dancing with Yukina. Kurama noticed his annoyance, despite Hiei's attempts to hide it, and went over to talk to him. "Oh, come on. You have to admit that they do make a cute couple," Kurama nudged Hiei. "So innocent and pure."

"Hn," Hiei responded with a shrug.

"So...Once again you refuse to join the fun," Kurama remarked.

"I don't dance."

Kurama laughed. "Well, you're dancing with me now. Come on."

Hiei narrowed his eyes. "I refuse."

"You don't have to dance in front of anyone. We can dance outside."

"No," Hiei turned his attention back to the window. 

"Come on Hiei. Don't make me force you."

"You better not---" But the warning fell upon deaf ears. Kurama had lifted Hiei up and dragged him out into the night, leaving everyone in the house gaping after them.

"Kurama!" Hiei hissed. He attempted to hide the embarrassed blush that had spread over his face. 

"There." Kurama smiled and place him down on the ground. "Now let's dance."

"No," Hiei said. Before Kurama had a chance to say anything, he was gone.

"Oh come on, Hiei!" Kurama yelled to the surrounding trees. "Just one dance!" But there was no response. Disheartened, Kurama headed back inside.

Later on that night, Kurama was heading home. Hiei didn't come back to the party and everyone figured he just had enough. But as Kurama walked down the sidewalk to his home, he heard a familiar voice.

"Baka. If you really want to dance with someone, don't humiliate them."

Kurama chuckled. "All in good fun, Hiei."

There was a short pause as Hiei came into view. "Come," he called.

"Come what?"

"Stupid fox, let's dance."

Kurama stared at him in disbelief. "Really?"

"Come!"

Without another word, Kurama went to Hiei. Shyly, the two put their arms around each other. There was no music, but that didn't matter. In the night, under the moon, they had each other. All they needed was each other's presence, and it was perfect. It started a little awkward, both afraid of their now exposed emotions, but eventually it became beautiful. The two moved closer, allowing their newfound love to shower down upon them. In those few minutes, everything was exposed, and both knew that they had feelings for each other. 

"Hiei..." Kurama whispered as they moved. "Hiei...I love you."

Slowly, words came from Hiei's mouth. They seemed a bit choked, a bit unsure, but he managed to release them. "...I...love you too."

That was the best night of Kurama's life.

After that, Hiei and Kurama began spending more time together. Their relationship grew and before long, they resembled that of a true couple. They began to hold hands, hug and even kiss. Hiei seemed a bit timid about the whole situation, but still was more affectionate than Kurama ever expected. But suddenly, it all came to an end. 

About a week and a half after the night they danced under the stars, Hiei told Kurama he needed space. He stopped visiting, stopped his affection and withdrew all emotion. It was just as if he broke up with Kurama. And Kurama, not knowing what to do, was heartbroken. He was finally happy, and it was taken away from him in a heartbeat. 

Their friendship dwindled. Time went on and Hiei began to spend more and more time in Makai. Kurama indulged himself in his schoolwork to avoid the ever-present pain in his heart. 

Finally, Hiei began to show up by his window again, just like old times. Together, he and Kurama mended their friendship, and things seemed to be back to normal. Both had a silent mutual agreement not to talk about their "break up". But while everything seemed fine, inside, Kurama was screaming. His emotions were all out of control. He was in love with Hiei and he knew it. But Hiei acted as if he never even had feelings for him. But the more time Kurama spent with Hiei, the more his love grew and the more he found himself unable to deal with the intensity of his emotions.

That's what led him to ask Hiei what went wrong that cool, dark night. He needed to know. But the answer he received only confused him more. 

His heart was breaking. Literally. There was no other way to explain the horrible pain he felt. He needed Hiei. He loved Hiei...But he valued his friendship with Hiei above everything else. There was nothing he could do to end his pain without ending the friendship. There would be no closure. And he just had to live with that.

***

_Love has nothing to do with how strong a youko you are. Love never takes into account your personality. It doesn't matter if you are a master thief, or perfect human. Once you fall into the abyss of love, you're going to keep falling, despite what strength you think you might have._

Kurama stared out his window, awaiting Hiei's arrival. "I'll be back tomorrow at this time," Hiei had told him. Kurama didn't want to allow his feelings to show so clearly, didn't want Hiei to know how much he was hurting, but he felt hopeless. He just waited for his ex-lover as the minutes rolled by slowly.

***

"You want to know what went wrong?"

Kurama raised his eyes to Hiei's in surprise. "...What?"

Hiei's leg dangled from the windowsill. "I fell in love with you, Kurama."

He didn't know what to say, so he remained silent and listened to Hiei's words.

"All this hiding I've done throughout my life. Never loving, never showing emotion. You broke my walls. You destroyed everything I am."

Kurama's chest tightened. Hiei was making it sound like he did a horrible thing by expressing his love. He couldn't handle that kind of pain.

"You made me lose myself."

_Don't cry. Never show weakness, _Kurama reminded himself desperately. _Remember your past...You can force down the tears. _

"And so you lost me too."

Hiei withdrew his attention from the dark night sky and placed his gaze upon Kurama. "Serves you right, for crumbling all the defenses I ever built up."

Hiei stood and moved to Kurama. "But I'm back." He inched closer, taking the youko's hands into his. 

Kurama gaped, not comprehending. 

"I want you."

He grabbed Kurama and kissed him in a way Kurama had never been kissed before. It was so right. Their emotions surged forward and intertwined. Their hearts seemed to link and dance together. Everything felt so right, so perfect, in that single moment their bodies were together. Kurama's hurt, pain and confusion all melted away and he was left with a glorious feeling. One of true, utter love. 

Hiei pulled away. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "For leaving you." He paused, searching Kurama's emerald gaze. "Will you have me back?"

_I'm not stronger than this emotion. I thought I might be able to beat it, but love has conquered me after all. I cannot refuse him, for this fire demon has become my world, my every waking breath._

And in one single word, their worlds collided. Kurama and Hiei became one. In one single word, all pain was put to ease and love was all that remained. 

**"Always."**

Author's note: A fic finished at long last! It's been quite a while since I actually posted one of my fanfics. Not my best, but it's based on a lot of emotion that I'm currently feeling. So if anything, I guess you could call it 'true'. 


End file.
